Microaggressions Suck: Strategies for Navigating Oppression in Life and Therapy

Let me start by saying that the topic of microaggressions annoys me. Not all "microaggressions" are "micro," and furthermore, they suck. Accountability, eradicating them, and reshaping our cultures should primarily rest on the shoulders of those who microaggress and those who create the conditions for them to continue to occur. With that said, they happen, so I'm writing about it. They are a daily reality for so many in the workplace, social situations, and sometimes, even in therapy, and they can have a significant impact on mental health and well-being. So what are they, and how do we shield against them?

Understanding Microaggressions

Before delving into coping strategies, it's essential to understand what microaggressions are. These are everyday, often subtle actions, comments, or behaviors that communicate derogatory or harmful assumptions about a person's race, gender, sexual orientation, or other aspects of their identity. They can take various forms, including:

• Microassaults: Explicit racial or discriminatory slurs or actions.

• Microinsults: Rude or insensitive comments, often unintentional.

• Microinvalidations: Dismissing or negating someone's experience or feelings based on their identity.

Coping Strategies

1. Educate Yourself: It might sound weird, but being able to put words to a feeling or a situation that "didn't feel quite right" is a powerful coping tool. Understanding the concept of microaggressions and their various forms will help you recognize them when they occur and keep you from gaslighting yourself. We've all been there. As the cliché goes, knowledge is power, and it can empower you to address and challenge these behaviors.

2. Seek Support: Share your experiences with friends, family, or colleagues who are supportive and empathetic. Talking about your experiences can help you process your feelings and gain validation for your emotions. If they're happening at work, do y'all have anti-discrimination policies? Is there an Employee Resource Group or Affinity Group that you can plug into? Is HR a trusted ally?

3. Set Boundaries: When encountering microaggressions, and I know this is easier said than done, don't be afraid to assert yourself respectfully and firmly. Let the person know their inappropriate behavior or comment made you uncomfortable if you feel safe enough to do so. Communicating your feelings helps create awareness, and no, it's not your responsibility to educate them. It may or may not be worth your time. Be sure you tune into your needs and protect your energy. Sometimes, asking them to repeat themselves is enough for them to realize that they need to correct themselves. Here are some more ideas from the National Equity Project.

4. Self-Care: Practicing self-care is crucial for maintaining your mental health. What brings you comfort, nourishment, and peace of mind? Self-care can look all sorts of ways. Some of my favs include eating a meal without multi-tasking, prioritizing sleep, not checking my phone right when I wake up, and spending time with loved ones I can be my entire self around. Maybe self-care looks like folding that load of laundry on your bed. Here are 134 ideas.

5. Cultivate Resilience: Confession, I have beef with the concept of resilience because our society consistently asks groups of people to be resilient instead of creating more equitable systems, but...resilience is still important. Building emotional resilience can help you better cope with microaggressions. One way to do this is by focusing on your strengths and achievements. Remind yourself that you are, in fact, a badass. This can help counteract the negative impact of these experiences.

6. Professional Help: If you find that microaggressions are causing significant distress, consider seeking the support of a therapist who understands the impact of racism and discrimination on mental health. Therapy can provide a safe space to process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

Coping with Microaggressions in Therapy

It's essential to recognize that microaggressions can also occur within the therapeutic relationship. If you experience this in therapy, consider the following steps:

1. Express Your Feelings: Share your concerns and feelings with your therapist. A skilled therapist will appreciate your honesty (like for real, for real) and be willing to address the issue.

2. Seek a Culturally Competent Therapist: If you believe your therapist is unable to understand or address your experiences effectively, consider seeking a therapist with expertise in cultural competence, anti-racism, and LGBTQ+ issues. Here are some great questions about race to ask a therapist.

3. Trust Your Instincts: If you feel that therapy is doing more harm than good due to microaggressions or lack of understanding, it's ok to seek a different therapist who can provide the support you need. Good therapeutic fit is paramount.

Ok, friends! These coping strategies are a start, and you may find that you have others that work for you. Remember, microaggressions are not your fault. I have hope that more equitable and inclusive communities, workplaces, etc., are on the horizon, and until then, it's important to advocate for yourself and seek support when needed. We are a part of the change.